31 WAYS TO MESS UP YOUR MARRIAGE - #11 - THE MYTH OF THE 50/50 RELATIONSHIP

Most couples do not understand the biblical plan for marriage. They employ society's plan which operates on a 50/50 performance relationship. In a 50/50 relationship:

• Acceptance is based on performance. "You do your part, and I'll do mine."
• Giving is based upon merit.
• Affection is given when deserved.
• Feelings are the motivation for action.

The problem with this philosophy is that it is impossible to believe that one's spouse has met you half-way. We all marry with certain unrealistic expectations which our mate will never be able to live up to. Then those weaknesses become the focus of the relationship and hurt will be inflicted upon one another. Hurt paralyzes feelings and results in lower performance ... and the cycle begins all over again.

The biblical pattern is almost opposite of the pattern of the world. Each partner is to give 100 per cent, not based upon performance, but upon simply the fact that he/she is your mate. We give to our spouse not based upon merit, but because we understand that when we give, we receive. Affection is offered, even lavished, because our God loves extravagantly, and we are to love each other extravagantly. Feelings are not the motivation for action, but our commitment to each other and our covenant before God. That creates an atmosphere in which both partners feel safe and secure and are able to function at their highest level to achieve their purpose in life.

Try giving over and above what your mate expects of you this week. Commit it to the Lord and see what happens.