31 WAYS TO MESS UP YOUR MARRIAGE - #14 - SUBMISSION: FRUSTRATION OR FREEDOM?

One would initially think this is written for the wives, but hold on. Let's take a look at this submission issue.We are all to be submissive to God and to one another. Most teachers begin a teaching on submission with Ephesians 5:22: Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as (a service) to the Lord. But the verse right above that says: Be subject to one another out of reverence to Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).

After years of studying this passage, almost 50 years of marriage, and much bad teaching on the issue, here's what I believe: It's not about us. Both love and submission are about presenting a picture of Jesus to a lost world by how we submit to one another. We must all live under submission and under God's control.

Three key words in the Ephesian passage:

1. "Head" -- kephale' -- Being in the lead, the first one into battle.
2. "Be subject to" -- hupotassomai -- Voluntarily, willingly to place oneself at the disposition of.
3. "Love" -- agapao -- Not so much an emotion as an attitude or action.

The husband bears the responsibility of leading the family, being the point guard, shouldering the burden of the battle -- the commanding officer, so to speak. And both hupotassomai and agapao involve voluntarily giving up one's self-interest to serve and care for another's. Wives are to hupotassomai their husbands; husbands are to agapao their wives.

I've observed couples through the years going through three levels while they sort out the love and submission issue.

1. Command - The couple knows it's commanded in Scripture, and by golly, they're gonna do it. This level does nothing but produce frustration and legalism.
2. Cooperation - The couple begins to experience a certain amount of freedom as they walk out Scripture and see that it works.
3. Celebration - Total freedom and trust in the biblical principle of love and submission and in God's control of the couple's marriage relationship and their testimony to the world.

The truth of Scripture does not bind us up. It sets us free. The enemy would take a principle that is meant to give us freedom and power and make it seem like legalism and frustration. Which is it for you and your spouse? Are you free or are you frustrated?