31 WAYS TO MESS UP YOUR MARRIAGE - #15 - FAILURE TO RECOGNIZE FOUR ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS OF MARRIAGE

Years ago I heard Gary Smalley teach that all four of these elements must be present in a marriage. Not one can be left out. If a woman, particularly, doesn't get these four elements in the first years of her marriage, she begins to feel malnourished, emotionally and spiritually.

1. SECURITY - Security is the main need of a woman, and I'm not simply alluding to financial security. A woman needs to feel that her mate is "taking care of business." Things that need to be done are getting taken care of. Simple things like car maintenance, lawn care, plans for the future (i.e. retirement), etc. It's not that the wife can't assist with the responsibility, but she needs to feel that her husband is protecting her from the stress of worrying about issues. It has been my observation that when a woman feels insecure, that's when she becomes controlling and unsubmissive. She's fearful that if she doesn't take control and take care of issues that are bothering her, they won't get done. Husbands, take care of business so that your wife has a sense of security.
2. MEANINGFUL COMMUNICATION - You'll notice that I said "meaningful" communication. A man's main need as far as communication is concerned is praise and respect. He needs to have that verbalized by the woman he loves. If a man feels he has what it takes, and the wife communicates that praise to him, he flourishes. The average need for communication in a marriage is an hour a day. I don't feel my husband and I need that much, but we do make a point to communicate with each other each day -- in a meaningful way. True intimacy is fact finding and that is done through meaningful communication.
3. ROMANTIC, EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCES - There must be some effort to plan for romantic, emotional experiences or guess what? The romance will fade. A man needs the sexual outlet, but a woman needs romance. Now I'm a romance writer :) So I'm continually exploring this. A little effort goes a long way with a woman: a card, helping with the housework, a foot/back rub, a special dinner at a nice restaurant, a flower on her pillow. Don't wait for special occasions (don't forget them though!). Do something "just because" some of the time.
4. PHYSICAL TOUCH - Eighty percent of a woman's touch needs are non-sexual. Gary Smalley says that it takes eight to twelve meaningful non-sexual touches a days to maintain touch needs - a hug, a kiss on the cheek, a touch on the arm. 'Nuf said!

Again, all four of these elements must be present in a marriage. How're you doing?