31 WAYS TO MESS UP YOUR MARRIAGE - #18 - FAILURE TO ANTICIPATE TRIALS

We received a horrific phone call early one evening from a young couple in our congregation who lived in the neighboring town. The young mother had checked on their three-year-old daughter whom she had put down for a  nap earlier and found that the child had accidentally gotten tangled in the cords of the venetian blinds and hung herself. This tragic accident devastated the couple, and the marriage failed.

All of us marry with high hopes, aiming to succeed in our marriages. None of us want to fail in this most important union of our lives. But many of us don't allow ourselves to think about tragedy, illness, death or any number of circumstances that might come our way and shake the very foundations of our families. Ideally, the partners pull together and strengthen each other through the crisis. But many times each one is overwhelmed with feelings of failure, guilt, shame, bitterness and blame, and the marriage comes crashing down.

What makes the difference? Why are some marriages destroyed by a crisis while others work through it and become stronger? Here are some of my observations:

1. Perspective - Realize that everybody deals with hard times at one time or another. God's not picking on you. You are not cursed. We simply live in a fallen world and have to deal with the conditions of that world.
2. Attitude - The Scripture tells us to give thanks in all things. This attitude of gratitude carries one a long way in overcoming difficult seasons. I am a two-time cancer survivor. My doctor kept talking about how much courage I had. It wasn't courage; it was faith and gratitude to a heavenly Father whom I knew loved me and would see me through no matter what.
3. Preparation - Couples who make it through trials are generally prepared. They are prepared somehow financially either with an emergency fund or insurance. They have been building their relationship through communication and demonstrations of love and caring. They are prepared spiritually. God is not just their spiritual aspirin that they call on from time to time. He is the Head of their household, Father, Provider, Comforter, Healer, Counselor, a Very Present Help in Time of Trouble.

Have an honest conversation with your spouse and discuss whether you are prepared if/when trials come. The Psalms tell us that we need to learn how to dig wells in the desert. (Parsons translation :)