I'll have to admit that I have very little personal experience with in-law problems. My husband's parents were wonderful parents and equally wonderful in-laws. My husband grew up in the ideal home environment - lots of love, laughter, acceptance and most importantly, a household that honored and followed Jesus. Do you remember "Leave It To Beaver?" Or "Ozzie and Harriet?" Well, that was how my husband grew up. For that reason, I never have thought mother-in-law jokes were funny. The main in-law problems I had were due to trying to live up to the example they presented!
One of the stresses in the in-law situation, particularly the husband's mother, is that she may feel she is being replaced and not loved as much anymore. It is up to her son (your husband) to reassure her that she is just as loved. Her role has simply shifted. Daughters are better at conveying that reassurance to their parents than men seem to be, so help your husband out here and encourage him to do so.
My favorite philosopher, Dr. Phil, urges his clients to own the responsibility for their respective parents. And I think this is a good rule-of-thumb. A husband should not allow his mother or father to disparage or criticize his spouse -- and should speak up if they do. A wife should not allow her parents to run her husband down -- and should confront the issue if they should do so.
Problems with in-laws can become very complicated but as with all relationships, the bottom line is to love them - in spite of faults and shortcomings. Sometimes a relationship -- not just with in-laws but with all relationships -- can become toxic. That goes to another level and may need professional help or at times separation for the good of the family as a whole. Those situations are rare. For most, a good relationship with the in-laws will require some sacrifice, much love and understanding.
Why not write a note to your in-laws thanking them for raising such a fabulous child -- who is now your husband/wife? That would go a long way towards mellowing the heart of your in-laws. Jesus really meant it when he told us to love one another -- and that includes in-laws.
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